What Is A Good Parent?

Someone close to me has had a bit of a hard time recently and has questioned how good a parent they really are. They are of course, fabulous parents but it did get me thinking that at some point we all have  a little wobble and wonder are we doing it right?

So what is a good parent?

Is it getting your children to sleep through the night?

Is it having well behaved children you can take out in public?

Maybe its one who has strict rules and well disciplined children,

or maybe one that that just has lots of fun and plays with their children.

Perhaps it is just showing your children how much they are loved and always being on hand to give the required cuddles and kisses.

What do you think?

I think that Husband and I are doing our very best to be the best possible parents we can. We might not always get it right or do it the way others do but we work together as a team and stick by each other.

We want our girls to grow up happy and confident, feeling loved and special, believing they are gorgeous and clever and that they can do anything they want to if they work hard enough.

We have used baby whisper techniques to help us understand our children and get them into a good routine. For us, it was important that they grew up to eat and sleep well as we believe these are two of the most important factors in having happy, well behaved children.

We discipline our children using a naughty cushion, we would never ever smack them. We do not want out children to grow up scared or frightened of us or worse still, go on to treat others violently. We want them to be kind, well manored and to respect others.

We make sure we play with our children lots, we get down on the floor and make a mess, we get crafty, make cakes or bring leaves in from outside to paint.  We might not be that good at it but we try.

We have lots of family days out, many that don't cost anything like trips to the beach, walks in the park or jumping in puddles. We cuddle up on the sofa every evening after bath time for story time, where we read book after book until bedtime.

We give our girls lots of kisses and cuddles daily, we tickle them, spin them round and make them giggle but most of all we tell them how much they are loved.

So are we good parents? I like to think so. We might not be perfect but we are definitely doing our very best and I think that's all any of us can do.

Karen x

Sleep - Whose in Charge, You Or Your Child?

This week I had a conversation at a toddler group that I just cannot get out of my head.

I happened to mention that I should have thought more carefully about the days and times Poppy attends Preschool because I hadn't taken into account Rosie's change in nap time.  I wasn't really prepared for the responses I got.

I was bombarded with "well the second one just has to fit don't they?" and "some children need less sleep than others" and "after your first you realise that you have to be more flexible and fit naps in when you can" .....what a load of rubbish I couldn't help but think.

Sorry if I offend anyone but I really do believe you can train your children to sleep. Obviously there will be instances when they are unwell, teething, unsettled etc. that messes it up but I am big on routine. I also believe that children sleep better when they are more rested in the day and think it has more to do with parental style than children when they are all over the place...like I said I hope I don't offend but this is what I believe!

Both my girls have been trained the Baby Whisperer way.  I got them in a routine from the very beginning and have never had sleep issues.  From 4 months both girls had two 2 hour long naps and slept 12 hours at night. Two naps then changed into one long 3 hour nap.  This is where we are at now with Rosie.  She currently sleeps from 9.30-11.30 and then goes back down 1.30pm-3pm.

She has been showing signs that she is ready to change to one nice long after noon nap but here comes the problem.

We have to pick up Poppy from Preschool at 3pm on Mon and Weds and at 12am Tues and Thurs.

This means going down for  a nap 12.30-3.30pm wont work and 10-1pm wont work either.  I hate to mix up days but am currently thinking it will be 12.30-3.30pm except on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I could put her down an hour earlier in order to get up in time to get her Sister. All so confusing! That doesn't take into account the afternoon we go to the toddler group.  I guess it is going to be a bit of trial and error.

I do recognise that the second child has to fit into your life and routine more in the beginning but don't think that they should always been the one to compromise as they are growing up.  If I had thought about it more in advance I might have put Poppy in Pre-School every morning, letting her Sister sleep every afternoon. This is all I was trying to say.

My gorgeous little girl sleeping

Karen x

Thank goodness my Girls Sleep!

Before I had children, I was lucky enough to be introduced to the Baby Whisperer (not personally...her book or should I say books).  A very close friend who happened to live a few doors down had three children and they all slept amazingly well.  Before I met her I just assumed that children came with a built in clock, that they slept all night when they got to a certain age.  I did not realise that you have to teach babies to sleep or that the more rested they are, the better they sleep.

Anyway, when I was pregnant, I rushed out to buy the very same book!  My Husband and I read it cover to cover and did what it said.  We were very quick to get our first little girl into a routine.  By the age of four months she was sleeping 7pm to 7am and then having two naps a day.  One at 9.30-11.30am and other 1.30 to 3.30pm.  It was amazing.  Apart from the obvious disturbance when teething or poorly she continued to sleep like this until the age of one when she changed to one long nap.  Even now at two and a half she still has a one hour nap.  She goes up to bed at 6.30pm has a long story, cuddle and wee, plays and looks at books in her bed until she falls asleep at about 7.30pm  and then does not get up until 7.30am (unless she needs another wee and then she goes straight back to bed!).

As it worked so well for us, I passed the book over to my Sister who then did it with her little boy.  Again, similar routine and an amazing sleeper!!  So when my second little girl came along, I was quick to use the same methods.  Her routine is very slightly different, she goes to bed at 6.30pm, gets up at 7.30am and then has 2 naps.  One 9.30 to 11am and then another 1pm to 3pm.  Both girls are able to play by themselves happily until I go and get them out of their cot or bed.

Some might say it is luck...but I don't think so.  I had to use various techniques including swaddling, using blackout blinds, putting them down the same time each day, watching them for the early signs of tiredness and to increase napping time a technique the baby whisperer calls "pick up/ put down".

As a Mummy I have heard so many others saying they have not slept since their child was born and she is now four etc or that their children do not sleep so end up in their bed, or even that they sometimes nap and sometimes don't depending on their mood...this one shocks me the most... they are babies you have to teach them to sleep and you have to be consistent!  Honestly without sleep I cannot function, I hope I do not come across as smug, I just want to share my experiences to help others.

I do take the girls to various groups etc and we do go out, but as long as they have this routine most days it does not matter too much if you slightly vary from it when they have been in it for a while.  The baby whisperer says it takes three days to change most behaviours and I have noticed that this is true.  So I would not go out three mornings in a row preventing my little one from having a proper sleep, this would be asking for trouble and  I would have to work at getting her back into it again...usually another three days!.

So if you are pregnant or a Mummy who wants some sleep then check out this book!  For me it has been invaluable.



Karen x